


The Joys of Pets

by MissyJack



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 09:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3763447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissyJack/pseuds/MissyJack





	The Joys of Pets

I ficced! It was for [](http://spnspringfling.livejournal.com/profile)[**spnspringfling**](http://spnspringfling.livejournal.com/). The pairing was Lucifer/Castiel (although this isn't slash) and "the joy of pets".

Title: The Joys of Pets  
Pairing: Lucifer/Castiel  
Rating: G

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.

Then God took the light, and wove it with a drop of his Spirit and a pinch of a white dwarf star and a sprinkling of star dust. And from this he made his children: four archangels and he called them Michael, Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel and they shone with his Glory.

And from the leftovers and some meteorite dust he made a legion of angels to do his bidding.

Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the …"

"Daddy, can I have a pet?"

"Lucifer, I am busy creating the Universe. Where's Michael?" His first son and Lucifer were usually inseparable.

"Michael's creating a spiral of galaxy to reflect the splendour and brilliance of his own magnificence."

"Ah rightly so! The universe should reflect our inherent amazingness." The concept of narcissism wouldn't be articulated by a Viennese Jewish psychiatrist for eons but it was in existence from the beginning of time.

"But Daaadddddd." Lucifer whined. Well, as much as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent can whine.

"Why don't you go help Gabriel make an asteroid belt, "said God while he made wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds.

"Gabriel keeps playing ticks on me! And Raphael keeps being mean to me." Lucifer pouted. Well, as much as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent can pout.

God sighed a godly sigh as he created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds,

"How about a goldfish?"

"What?" said Lucifer.

"You want a pet? Well I just created all the creatures of the sea and the Earth. You can have a goldfish as a pet. Or look I will create mankind in my own image," with a grand gesture God bought them forth. Male and female, genderqueer and androgyne, and everything in between, because he was totally not hung up on any gender binary, God created them.

"Here, have a human as pet! They are my most special creations! Have a whole planet of them!"

"Father, am I not a prism of light refracting your Grace? I can't have an earthly creature as a pet! Not a fish or a human or any filthy dirt walking thing! WANT MY OWN ANGEL."

Lucifer was vibrating at a rather angry celestial wavelength.

"An angel? Oh fine," said God, "Pick one. But it will be your responsibility to look after. And don’t come crying to me if you break it."

So Lucifer went forth to the heavens and searched amongst the legion of angels who were God's messengers and minions. He searched for a millennium but most angels were too dull, and others were too sharp but finally he found the perfect one. He was hidden on Earth, the last place Lucifer thought to look, watching over the base creations his Father unfathomably cherished, on that unremarkable rock.

His name was Castiel.

***

Castiel was exactly the pet Lucifer had desired. A bright shiny being, whose wavelengths vibrated just so, with their own unique sacred harmony.

Lucifer had endless fun – throwing planets and stars for Castiel to fetch, making him manifest as a monster to scar the Earth creatures, sending him to spread his grace around Gabriel's asteroid belt.

At first his brothers were impressed with the tricks he'd taught Castiel, and praised him for the angel's obedience. But then Rapahel went and found a whole posse of seraphim and taught them synchronised flying. Gabriel started hanging out with Loki in Asgard and plotting not even God knew what. Michael of course was too busy being God's favourite to pay Lucifer much heed.

As for God, he ignored Lucifer most of the time, and for some reason was impressed with every pathetic little achievement of his dirt people.

As befitted the pet of an archangel, and Castiel was utterly devoted to Lucifer. He would listen with rapt attention as Lucifer expounded on his theories of how the universe should be run, and his brothers' many faults. He pulsated with joy as he sang the long odes to the Glory of Lucifer that Lucifer himself composed.

But despite trying to train him to stay in the area of Heaven God assigned to Lucifer, Castiel was a curious angel and was forever wandering around the universe. Sometimes he even returned to Earth, and seemed fascinated by all its creatures. He was cheeky too and once stole Michael's halo and hid it behind a spiral galaxy.

It was cute at first, but soon Lucifer became angry. The angel was a pet and should obey him in all things. He was LUCIFER.

He tried punishing Castiel but it seemed to have little effect. Too often he would command something of the angel, only to be met with an implacable "But the Lord says…  
Lucifer started dreaming of somewhere he could rule. Where all would obey him and those that didn't could be locked away, and Lucifer would hurt them until they worshipped only him.

The last straw came when Castiel ran off, or well vibrated off, to Earth again. Lucifer found him pondering a human who was carving a piece of would into a round object she had dubbed a "wheel".

"Why do you return here? You are mine! And these, creatures, they are nothing to you!"

"But," said Castiel, "they are our Father's most previous creation. And they themselves create things even though their powers are limited and their minds oh so tiny. And that’s why God created us – to marvel at his wonders!"

"What about my wonders!" harrumphed Lucifer. "I made a cloud that looked like a three headed snake just last week? And that white dwarf star was pretty cool."

"Until it collapsed and became a black hole and sucked in all the galaxies around it," mumbled Castiel. "Humans create beautiful things. You just ruin things."

Lucifer flew into a rage. "Ruin things? I ruin things! I'll show you ruin. I'll curse these humans so the most powerful things they make will be used for their own destruction. And you, Castiel? I curse your fate to be tied to theirs."

And I think, dear reader, you know what happens next.  



End file.
